KEY TRAITS
Strategic Helpfulness to Create Indispensability. This strategic giving to get represents a key unconscious habit of the Two.
Seductiveness. Because it is so difficult for Twos to ask directly for what they need, they seduce others as a way of getting what they need through the indirect routes of charm and apparent generosity.
Emotionality and Emotional Sensitivity. Twos are naturally emotionally sensitive yet struggle with emotionality—the outward manifestation of their feelings.
Romanticism. Twos have a deep need for love. Together with their focus on relationships, this gives them an affinity for all things romantic, whether it is a good love story, fantasies of fulfilling experiences, music, poetry, etc.
Hedonism or Compensatory Overindulgence. Type Two’s hedonism derives from the unmet need for love and support that they experienced early in life. Their deeper need is displaced and repressed through this search for pleasurable experiences and sensory satisfaction.
OVERVIEW
Type Two represents the archetype of the person who seeks to please others as a way to evoke affection. The drive to win others’ approval through indirect methods, such as seduction and strategic giving, is a way to obtain emotional and material support without having to ask for it. This strategy also provides a way to try to get others to take care of you while still defending yourself against the pain of having someone important reject a direct request to meet a need.
Twos can be of either gender, of course, but the Type Two archetype mirrors the Jungian concept of “anima,” or the inner feminine. Jung described the anima as being like a “glamorous, possessive, moody, and sentimental seductress.” Related to the Great Mother or the Great Goddess archetypes, the archetypal feminine principle represents fundamental human ideas about the all-powerful, numinous woman who provides vital nourishment, and displays the feminine qualities of warmth, receptivity, softness, emotional sensitivity, and openness to the other.
An element of this Two archetype can also be found in the caricature of the “Jewish mother” who is superficially selfless as a way to exercise emotional control over everyone close to her. It also fits the pattern of the classic “codependent”—the person who becomes addicted to supporting and enabling an addict. For each, below the surface, the giving is not an altruistic kind of helpfulness. These individuals find self-worth in being needed by those they value and (unconsciously) seek to get their own needs met in return. Their aid constitutes a strategic means of getting needs met through promises of reciprocal care, which sometimes involves promising more than can be delivered.
Type Twos are thus the prototype for that part in all of us that adopts an elevated or idealized view of ourselves and our ability to make others like us. A tendency toward self-aggrandizement or self-inflation undergirds the Type Two’s persona. Twos often appear boundlessly and indispensably generous, helpful, attractive, and supportive. The false self that Twos model is one seeking to create positive connections with others through an attractive and inviting front.
This false self engineers positive emotional alignment with people who then provide support for survival. Once a friendly relationship has been established, that human link may be used as a resource in a time of need. The Two archetype illustrates the idea that when you want something from others to support your well-being, “you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar;” charm and helpfulness in the present provide a good groundwork for asking for favors in the future.
The natural strengths of Type Twos include their genuine ability to listen to others, empathize with their feelings, and meet their needs. They are usually cheerful, optimistic, warm, and friendly. Twos are naturally practiced in the art of using positive communication to create rapport. They can be very diplomatic and skilled at delivering messages in ways that people can hear. Twos’ particular “superpower” is that they can be excellent friends and will often go to great lengths to take care of and support loved ones. Twos can also be driven and energetic, extremely competent people who get a lot of things done and strive to do things well, especially as a way to impress others.
As with all the archetypal personalities, however, Type Twos’ gifts and strengths also represent their “fatal flaw” or “Achilles heel.” Their focus on appearing to be powerful enough to “do anything” for others leads to self-inflation. This inflation is a form of pride—the passion of the Two. This pride also masks the Two’s denial of the very needs that motivate seduction. As a result, they end up denying their own needs and losing a clear sense of how they really feel.
Twos can be upbeat, friendly, and genuinely giving. But at times they may get in their own way by overdoing their focus on shape-shifting to please others. For instance, Twos can’t help imagining that other people are as sensitive to criticism as they are. So they may sugarcoat or shade the truth out of fear of hurting someone. Other times, a Two’s cheeriness can feel false, as it sometimes functions as an overcompensation to mask sadness, resentment, or disappointment.
ZOOMING IN
Focus of Attention
Like the “superego” function of Freud’s model, Ones focus on noticing error (in the form of deviations from an internally generated ideal), discerning right and wrong, and displaying a reliance on rules and structure. They see whatever is happening in terms of detecting and conforming to what is right or appropriate. They adhere to internal standards of good and bad, and “the right thing to do” or “the right way” to do something.
Thoughts and Emotions
Emotionally, Ones often feel resentment and irritation—or anger that is restrained. The communication of aggression is in conflict with their belief that expressing anger is bad, so anger and other instinctual impulses are typically held back. They then leak out as resentment, annoyance, criticism, and self-righteousness. Ones believe usually that there is a “right way” to do things and that we should all try to be more perfect.
Behavior Patterns
Ones can be perceived as being rigid and highly structured in their behavior, relying on ritual and repetitive forms of doing things. Typically, they follow the rules and are reliable, ethical, and hardworking.
Blind Spots
anger and its effects,
the impact of criticism,
feelings and impulses,
the downsides of the pursuit of perfection,
rigidity,
and need for relaxation.
When Blind Spots are Integrated
are more relaxed and flexible,
display humor and lightness,
make time for fun,
are more accepting of their feelings and needs,
are less judgmental,
and accept and channel their anger consciously.
Passion : Anger
(dominant emotional drive - fixation - that each type struggles with)
As an emotional passion, anger appears in its repressed form for Ones as resentment that seeks resolution in pursuing perfection and virtue. Ones display hostility toward the imperfect way things are and try to force things to conform to their ideal of how things should be.
Virtue : Serenity
(higher emotional state - quality - that each type can achieve when they are healthy and balanced)
Serenity can be understood as a state of being totally peaceful within, while fully accepting the way people and things are. In Serenity, Ones feel no need to go against what happens or against the impulses they experience.
The Path From Anger to Serenity
The paradox underlying the Type One personality patterns centers on the tension—or the opposition—between the passion of anger and the virtue of Serenity. Another way of viewing this polarity—and the path of growth from one to the other—is that the experience of one pole is a preoccupation with self-judgment and striving to be good and the other pole is a state of acceptance and inner peace, free from the activity of the judging mind.
TYPE TWO SUBTYPES
SELF-PRESERVATION TWO: PRIVILEGE (Countertype)
Self-Preservation Twos “seduce” like a child in the presence of grown-ups as a way of (unconsciously) inducing others to take care of them. Everyone likes children, and the SP Two adopts a youthful stance as a way of getting special treatment well beyond childhood. As the countertype, it’s less easy to see pride in this Two because they are more fearful of and ambivalent about connecting with others. The title “Privilege” reflects this Two’s desire to be loved and prioritized just for being who they are, not for what they give to others. Related to the youthful stance, these Twos are playful, irresponsible, and charming.
SOCIAL TWO: AMBITION
The Social Two is a seducer of environments and groups—a powerful, leader type whose pride manifests as a sense of satisfaction in the conquest of an audience. This is a more adult Two in whom pride is the most obvious; the Social Two cultivates an image of being an influential, super-competent person worthy of admiration. The name “Ambition” reflects this person’s desire to “be on top,” and as a result of this lofty position, receive advantages and benefits. This Two “gives to get” the most and always has a strategic angle when expressing generosity.
SEXUAL TWO: SEDUCTION-AGGRESSION
Sexual Twos seduce specific individuals as a way of getting needs met and feeding their pride. Similar to the “femme fatale” archetype (and male equivalent) this Two employs the methods of classical seduction to attract a partner who will meet all their needs and give them whatever they want. The name “Aggressive-Seductive” suggests a character who is appealing, but who also wants to wield some power. Energetically like a force of nature, this is a person who becomes irresistible, who inspires great passions and positive feelings as a way to meet needs in life.
GROWTH PATH
For Type Twos, the first stage of awakening involves actively and consciously observing how they tune in to others’ feelings more than their own. When they intentionally watch their habitual patterns in action, like how they please others to get something from them while trying to appear selfless and altruistic they initiate their own awakening.
As a Type Two, your growth journey starts with developing the capacity to recognize how much attention you give to others and how little attention you pay to your own priorities without judging yourself. This helps you become aware of all the ways you rely on the approval of others to inform your sense of who you are.
USING THE ENNEAGRAM FOR GROWTH
The first steps involve observing yourself to make the patterns and habits associated with your main, or “core,” type more conscious.
After you have done this for a while, you can create further growth shifts by using the arrows as pathways for growth.
The Enneagram’s arrow lines point in the direction of each type’s specific path of psychological and spiritual growth and away from important characteristics and experiences we had to repress in childhood (but periodically return to for a sense of security).
These connection points indicated by the Enneagram diagram help us see how we can aim to embody the higher aspects of these two specific points to further our inner journey:
- the point behind (moving back) our core type along the arrow lines represents issues from the past that we need to re-integrate such that we can reclaim what we disowned in childhood to ground and support our forward movement along the path indicated by the arrows.
- the point ahead (moving forward) of our core point represents key challenges we need to master to become more whole
Moving back to type 4
The path of growth for Twos calls for them to reclaim their needs and feelings as represented by the Four Point. Many Twos received the message early on that their needs and emotions were too much. In keeping with the coping strategy of adapting emotionally to others, Twos typically respond to this by repressing their emotions and disowning their needs as a way of maintaining connections. By consciously drawing on the strengths of Type Fours, Twos can expand their access to their authentic emotions, reclaim a healthy ability to self-reference (to balance out their disproportionate focus on others), and accept and express their needs with more confidence.
If Twos have been made to feel shame for their needs and feelings, as many have been, it can be important and healing for them to incorporate the Four stance that feelings are important and valuable expressions of your authentic self. By encouraging a shift of focus from others to self, the Two “move to Four” allows Twos to ground themselves in the legitimacy of their real feelings and needs, thereby strengthening their connection to their own inner knowing and their sense of self. Twos often experience an underlying sense of anxiety related to deep beliefs from childhood that their normal needs and feelings threaten their connections with the important people in their lives. The Two move to Four can help Twos relax in the knowledge that honoring their emotions and desires can support, rather than thwart or threaten, their ability to form positive relationships.
Navigated consciously, Twos can use the higher wisdom of the Four Point to establish a healthy balance between focusing on the self and focusing on others; between expressing sadness and hurt and cultivating a sense of lightness; and between meeting others’ needs and asking for what they need. They can consciously remind themselves that although it is often important to make room to empathize with others’ emotions, all their own feelings are valid and valuable as well.
Moving ahead to type 8
Type Twos’ Inner Flow growth path brings them into direct contact with the challenges embodied in Type Eight: owning their power and authority, allowing for more access to anger, and handling conflict and confrontation more consciously. Twos are typically more comfortable being the power behind the throne, but moving to Eight invites them to initiate more and to take the risk of leading and acting proactively rather than always reacting. Crucially for Twos, moving to Eight also means learning to be more direct and assertive as opposed to using indirect means to get needs met and sugarcoating messages to make them go down easier.
While it can be difficult at first for Twos (especially Self-Preservation Twos) to imagine themselves feeling comfortable with being authoritative, aggressive, and direct when appropriate, incorporating healthy Type Eight behaviors can provide a much-needed balance to Twos’ habit of getting needs met covertly through seduction, charm, and strategic helpfulness. Eights’ strength and self-confidence help Twos value themselves and be more bold in the things they do. Twos see their real power in helping and supporting others, and while this a legitimate strength, they can overdo the strategy of emotional support and underestimate the power of exercising authority in more direct ways. Focusing on embodying more of the Eight Point expands the range of ways Twos can make an impact on others, and it allows for more freedom in how they interact with others. Seeing conflict as a good thing—as a way of having positive contact through the exploration of legitimate differences—can also counter their tendency to merge emotionally with others.